Also no thief emoji or pirate emoji. Can someone enlighten me why we don't have it?

Simply because nobody has successfully pitched the Unicode group to add one.

Anyone can pitch new emoji, they just have to go through the fairly easy but strict formal process.

Alex Schmidt, a humor writer (formerly of Cracked and others) did this process for the bison emoji. I enjoyed his “miniseries” about it: https://www.bisonemojipodcast.com/

does the reverse notebooklm exist yet that turns podcasts into longform journalism?

Not that I know of. And I generally prefer written pieces to podcasts :).

The show notes for episode 2 have good references (no fun commentary though): https://www.bisonemojipodcast.com/show-notes

I was looking for a pirate emoji like 5 minutes ago. I'm sure it's not the first time but I'm super surprised that still isn't in there. Seems so obvious.

What’s next, a cowboy emoji? A ninja emoji? But seriously, as much as I like emojis, I kind of feel like they should stick to emotions. Maybe other intangible things. They’re hard to convey verbally (and succinctly), simple concrete nouns are good for a bit of fun and for UI icons, but really not very useful if we’re being honest. Unless you’re texting with a lizard, or my lazy elementary-school niece who shouldn’t really have a phone anyway…

Or you're texting with people whose native language uses a logographic system.