Yikes. UEFI is way worse than I thought it was.

Best thing to do with it is treat it as a bootloader and use something else a lot more sane than UEFI.

Dare I live in hope that a newer revision will use 8 bit UTF and better conventions.

Maybe coreboot is what you are looking for? Or DeviceTree? Or Open Firmware?

Or something for a specific board. UEFI or BIOS is just a compatibility layer, and its only advantage over saner ones is that it's already installed and working on certain cheap, fast hardware you can easily buy.

But maybe that's less of an advantage now than it was 28 years ago.