if $5.6B is protected by your index finger then you're gonna need kidnap insurance, and a really good pair of gloves.

It's not protected by the index finger at all. There is no fingerprint reader in a Yubikey. The only protection is that it requires physical access and can't be triggered from software.

If you're not buying the biometric ones, sure. Now you don't even need the gloves. Maybe kneecap armor instead.