All Hands:
Worker: "I'd like to ask about pay review. The numbers look really strong, and some people are probably wondering if that's going to show up in review."
Exec: "That's a great question. I don't want to say anything I can't promise, but we're going to be looking at all our options and I'm sure we're going to look to reward great performance. Does that help answer your question?"
Sketch comedy writers, look out. This thing is sadly, hilariously, accurate.
I'd appreciate it if the exec said "The turnover rate for our seniors is very high. Does anyone have any ideas?" "Compensation!" Exec: "No, I mean, maybe pizza every Friday, or a team outing or something?"
(Really happened)
I want to be far away from places where they ask if they answered my question.