>I go from woman to mother. And with it comes judgement and duties, and goes freedom and care-free living.

Agree on judgement, but duties and freedom and care-free living?

Sorry, both are gone for fathers too. At least those who care (talking as a father here).

Sure, a woman has even less freedom for a few years after a child is born. And a caring partner will try to at least ease this period for a woman.

But rest of a time? It's pretty 50/50 in my experience. My wife (also a backend dev like myself) has her career and her free time, in our family we share cleaning duties and all the cooking is on me (both because I'm better at it and it's less of a burden for me).

I'd like to eliminate judgement (and event more often self-judgement) she sometime faces, but for now I have no solution to present.

Bottom line: it's a fantasy to thing that a responsible father just carries on with whatever life he had before the kid was born and just occasionally fetches one from school to have a few word on the go.