> Maybe anger helps draw attention to you. Maybe it garners some form of sympathy. Maybe people get out of your way when you're angry, giving you a certain kind of power.

I know it's much maligned here on HN, but you've articulated one of the key principle of NVC (Nonviolent Communication): Being able to articulate your needs, and map your emotions with your needs.

The steps it recommends (not necessarily in this order):

1. Understand the facts

2. Label the emotions you're feeling (anxious, concerned, jubilant, etc)

3. Figure out the needs that are related to those emotions (e.g. purpose in life, shelter (usually income), hunger (usually income).

Even if you don't follow NVC, pretty much all communications books emphasize all 3 above. Another book had it this way:

1. Label your emotions.

2. Gather the facts.

3. Examine the narrative you're telling yourself based on the facts.

4. Explore that narrative (Is it the only possible narrative given the facts? What is missing in your life that is part of that narrative?)