This might be very useful for bonding PTFE and aluminium on cookware if it ends up being food safe.

I really don't know about food safe. Or safe for any end consumer, really. They absolutely need to do some severe toxicity testing. Because this funny new glue is an organic phosphate which in itself already raises some serious questions. On top of that, the ring also contains two perfluoropinacol moieties which could be released e.g. on heating or through interaction with acids or something else. This is a highly volatile molecule and "fatal in contact with skin," i.e. of the highest toxicity class. That ain't no good.

Any reason to think this flower of fluorines (seriously, that thing looks INTENSE) would be any more environmentally safe than PFOA?

I'd be interested to see the Things I Won't Work With author's take on the synthesis given his usual reaction to fluorine chemistry

If you don't cook with ethanol that is...