This has nothing to do with expectation of privacy. Private setting or public setting, it’s rude to bother people who are busy.
This has nothing to do with expectation of privacy. Private setting or public setting, it’s rude to bother people who are busy.
Some of you are unwell.
If you legitimately think that anyone who isn't extroverted in the same way as you is "unwell", I feel like you could use a lot of therapy yourself.
Saying things like "it's rude to bother people who are in public" (paraphrased) is antisocial and reflective of our time, where people live increasingly isolated and atomistic lives, not of human nature. My point is people who are not open to experiencing the lives of others around them are, as social animals, unwell. It's also worth noting that I don't think this is the fault of any individual (although my initial comment was not clear on this point) but rather of modern society which so thoroughly devalues what is human in favour of what is material and saleable.
Edit: I'm also very much an introvert, FWIW.
I am unwell; I have ADHD and if someone interrupts me it takes me a long time to get back on track. It’s very inconsiderate.
That's fair. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
The problem is that you don’t know what the person that you randomly chat up is dealing with. You could be doing this kind of thing to anyone.
If I have earbuds in, I’m probably listening to classical music. It helps me self-regulate in busy environments. I’m not listening to podcasts (which everyone assumes now, I guess).
If you interrupt me, I’m going to be polite. You won’t know that you’re causing a problem because I don’t like to be a jerk to strangers. That could be happening every time you talk to a stranger for all you know.
People like to make talking to random strangers seem somehow romantic, but it’s actually just selfish. You’re not interrupting my focus for me, you’re doing it for you.
> You’re not interrupting my focus for me, you’re doing it for you.
While it may be selfish and pointless, it's the default expectation that in public space people can be spoken to, but it costs something to remove that possibility without also physically isolating oneself in some way. Not all public space is necessarily social, you can be alone in a wooded glen which creates a proximity barrier, but trying to preserve your whole private sphere while being in an otherwise potentially social space removes something from that space.
When I deliberately don't want to chat with anyone, I just take a side street or something. Not always possible, but it's rarely worth it; usually work is the semi-public space I'd prefer unbroken focus.
I do think it's overblown to make some grand statement about this behavior if it's only an occasional thing, but if the default expectation shifts to people hesitating to talk to people only because they might have headphones in, I think we've lost something.
> it's the default expectation that in public space people can be spoken to
It is not the social norm that anyone can be spoken to in public at any time, you are oversimplifying things. E.g. it is largely considered socially inappropriate to strike up a conversation with a stranger on public transit when you’re squeezed in like sardines; we don’t talk to each other to give the illusion of privacy and space. It’s also not considered socially acceptable to have a conversation with a stranger standing at a urinal. There are significant social rules about which adults and children can speak to each other in social spaces. Etc etc
There are and always have been situations where it is more or less socially acceptable to speak to a stranger in public. Headphones is not a new one, I knew in the 90s that headphones meant “don’t talk to me”.
I also have ADHD, but the onus is not on others to compensate for that; it wouldn't be labelled unless it prevented us from being compatible with the conplexities of daily life unaided by stimulants. People envy the way I can banter with randoms if I want to, but if I don't, I move on, and deliberately have to practice not getting too derailed.