Many very interesting stories here of people that took similar paths. As the parent of a teenager that used to be an absolute model student, but recently (last year) started rebellious behaviour, tanking their academics with it, I'm curious how many with similar stories think they would have or could have taken a different path with better or different parental support?
We're trying our very best to support and guide without shaming. The difficult part is the influence of friends, specifically a boyfriend, that were convinced led to much of this. Forbidding the relationship is not going to have the right effect. So we're trying to manage it with rules to try and prevent the opportunity to make bad decisions. And talking a lot about honesty, values and respect. There's still respect in our relationship, and I feel that's the key for us to be able to support her.
I only respond to extreme, repeated negative reinforcement. Positive reinforcement never did anything for me.
If your child responds to positive reinforcement in any way, there's a good chance you can support them through it. But if they're like me, they may "only learn the hard way."
And I don't mean negative reinforcement as in physical punishment or being talked down to, but having to live through direct negative consequences of your action.
Sometimes I think "what if I could go back in time, and tell myself not to do XYZ", but I know myself well enough that I'm sure I would not listen.
I sincerely hope that things pan out for your family.
If you want the nuclear option, can you move away from the current environment? If they're young enough not to have a car, that's one way to at least guarantee a "fresh start" where they can't actively go down the current path. They'd need to find a new way into trouble, which is still wholly possible but requires more effort at least.
> If you want the nuclear option, can you move away from the current environment?
The common refrain here is usually they can find a bad environment anywhere so just moving won’t solve the problem. Unless it’s really remote, and home schooling. Which would not be healthy for anyone imo.