And "valet" is supposed to rhyme with "ballot" not "ballet" but you'll still sound like an idiot if you say "take your car to the val-it"

What's your reference? Cambridge: /ˈvæl.eɪ/ https://dictionary.cambridge.org/pronunciation/english/valet

(britannica[0], merriam-webster[1])

[0]: https://www.britannica.com/dictionary/eb/audio?word=va%2Alet...

[1]: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/valet

Your Merriam Webster source has "val-it" as the first pronunciation (but I think in this case both are correct and valit is less common)

It does.. and I've never heard anyone say it that way (and I appreciate that you chose the only dictionary that gave anything close to your argument).. but that's still nothing like "ballot".

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Jeeves (the gentleman's personal gentleman) is a valet that would be pronounced VAL-et.

Drink some clarit with the valit over a good filit.