Install the IoT LTSC edition. No crapware at all. It's a really solid OS. Less painful than Linux overall.

Is there any legitimate way to do that? Last I heard, that version needed an Enterprise license which end-users realistically can't realistically get.

Not for a reasonable sum of money. You can just buy a cd key from the grey market though. There's no risk for personal use.

But you'll lose out on driver and QoL updates if you have new hardware