I bought the AirPods Max 1 but had to return them because they felt like a vice and were too heavy. I ended up going with the Sony wh-1000xm5, which are much lighter. My only complaint on the Sony is the earcups are not deep enough for my big ears.

I have the same issue with the shape of my ears not fitting any ANC headphones (and many larger over-ear ones). The only alternative to the APM I found that doesn't hurt after a few hours was the Sonos Ace. Which also have a price that hurts but at least they haven't broken yet while my APM kept breaking (and they're one of the few products where you can't infinitely renew Apple Care).

I had the xm6 but the combination of worse sound (for me at least) and shallow earcups which hurt my ears drove me back to airpods max

It's amusing to me how personal all this stuff is.

The XM5s were super uncomfortable to me (to the point I was relieved when they got stolen) and I ended up going back to Bose even though I liked the sound quality on the Sonys better.

Same experience. Everyone raved about the Sonys and so when my Bose died, I tried them out. I can't stand them! They're way less comfortable and have worse noise cancellation. The lack of buttons drives me crazy. And worst of all - when on flights, the noise cancellation will randomly stop working. Despite flights being one of the main reasons I purchase noise cancelling headphones.