I think most homelabbers default to Caddy and/or Traefik these days. Nginx is still around with projects like NPM (the other NPM), but Caddy and Traefik are far more capable.
DevOpsToolbox did a great video on many of the reasons why Caddy is so great (including performance) [0]. I think the only downside with Caddy right now is still how plugins work. Beyond that, however it's either Caddy or Traefik depending on my use case. Traefik is so easy to plug in and forget about and Caddy just has a ton of flexibility and ease of setup for quick solutions.
far more capable is an exaggeration
I use both, they are by and large substitutable. Nginx has a much larger knowledge base and ecosystem, the main reason I stick with it.
I agree with you that they're more or less equal. I don't like the idea of my reverse proxy dealing with letsencrypt for me, personally, but that's just a preference.
One tricky thing about nginx though, from the "If is evil" nginx wiki [0]:
> The if directive is part of the rewrite module which evaluates instructions imperatively. On the other hand, NGINX configuration in general is declarative. At some point due to user demand, an attempt was made to enable some non-rewrite directives inside if, and this led to the situation we have now.
I use nginx for homelab things because my use-cases are simple, but I've run into issues at work with nginx in the past because of the above.
[0] https://nginx-wiki.getpagespeed.com/config/if-is-evil
I'm not sure why Apache is so unpopular, it can also function as a reverse proxy and doesn't have the weird configuration issues nginx has.
Some people take this way too far, for instance I've send places compiling (end of life) modsec support into nginx instead of using the webserver it was built for
Just as one small example: if you're deploying in k8s and want the configuration external to Nginx, you want built in certificate provisioning and you need to run midleware that can easily be routed in-config...
Traefik is far more capable, for example. If all you're doing is serving pages, sure.