1. This will be tough. That doesn't mean you are doing it wrong.
2. Growth is proportional to your willingness to be uncomfortable.
3. Meds can work wonders, AND you can still be depressed. Medicine resolve biological depression. It doesn't resolve situational depression.
4. You will likely go through the stages of grief as you grieve this change. One of those stages is sadness.
Again, that's okay. You will grow so much as you find new ways to socialize and to enjoy solitude. It will be painful, but that is normal. It is part if the process.
Also again, I'm sorry to hear life took an unexpected turn. I know how hard that can be.
> You will likely go through the stages of grief as you grieve this change.
I think this is a very important observation. I've been through a divorce, and a friend made this observation to me, which I hadn't thought of, and it made a big difference.
Another plus one about grief. I went through a breakup that wasn't like the others, and it was a while before I understood I was experiencing grief (and that I actually didn't know how to navigate that).
I found a book called "Welcome To The Grief Club" by Janine Kwoh that was the right balance of humour for me. It's intended for those dealing with bereavement, and doesn't offer solutions, but I still found it useful for identifying patterns I was experiencing and understanding they were a "normal" part of grief. The brain does some weird things in grief. Only linking here in case it also helps others.
https://www.amazon.com.au/Welcome-Grief-Club-Because-Through...
This is great. Also, as somebody going through this change for the second time, I'll add that things come in waves. Sometimes grief, sometimes loneliness, sometimes regret, etc. It'll swell and seem to last for forever, but then it'll pass almost without noticing. When you're in the worst of it remember it will ease up eventually.
Whenever I feel down I try to redirect those thoughts into some new thing that I can do now. Nothing is ever 100% negative. Find those positives, dig them up and display them.
I get through by getting into every single thing I couldn't do before. Just like when I turned 18, I went to every place I could find to get carded. Even a great relationship is work and compromises are made, and it's hard to find the time to do all the things.
This weekend I dug out my trip collection I wasn't allowed to display. I pulled out old photos and hangers that didn't make sense for our blended family but now it's just what I want. I bought some used golf clubs. I rearranged the whole house to suit me (and to fill in the empty parts).
I'd bet your dog never seen either the snow or the beach, so take a whole trip just to do it. Learn to play drums. Spend hours at a bookstore. During a bad breakup some years ago, I volunteered for a campaign and went knocking on doors. Not only did I not get shot but I made some friends, too.
Revel in this phase. Because this will also pass and you'll find something else eventually (if you want to). I'm trying to be the most single I can be to really appreciate this time and learn from it.
You know, looking back at my life so far I realize.. all of my best stories were from my single days.
I could not agree more to this.
Other than that, keep trying to do stuff with your time. Check out your local library for events, go an evening course that's at least mildly interesting or honestly, whatever sparks even the tiniest interest or curiosity. There are also sites like meetup.com
If this is too hard for you right now, or even if it isn't try and find reasons to speak to your neighbors or just strangers.
See someone with cool hair at the store? Tell them! "Excuse me, I just wanted to say I think your hair is really cool", or if you see a neighbor or some random person enjoying the weather, looking at a cool car or whatever, say something about it! "woah, lovely weather", "oh, nice cars here today eh?" or whatever.
It often feels weird and awkward, but sometimes people strike up with a small convo and you'll feel connection for a little bit. I used to hate these interactions but I've learned to like them, they are very low-pressure as there isn't anything to maintain.
Good luck and take care
Before considering medication for mental health, I have to wheel out the usual old advice: sometimes it can be as simple as diet and exercise. The fundamentals really should not be overlooked when thinking about any medication for long term care.
I found out my anxiety symptoms were actually caused by my A1C being in diabetic territory (8%). High blood glucose has a direct impact on the brain and blood vessels. Random heart palpitations, breathing being off, etc. all lined up. I'm so thankful that my doctor had the experience and courage to tell me like it is and refused to believe it was anything truly serious. I brought it down to 5.5% in a few months and now have new cooking and eating habits for life. Too much alcohol can also lead to vitamin deficiencies (magnesium, potassium, zinc, etc. will need blood tests to confirm).
I kinda let myself go for a few years during the shift to remote work back in 2020. After I got back on track I even gained some muscle without weight loss and no longer have sleep apnea. Sleep quality and hydration are also important things that we forget when we are in a slump.
I concur. I am finally starting to snap out of a multi-year long depression spell myself. Now, I did not alter my diet nor exercise more. I drink the same amount as I did prior.
However, blood work showed I was deficient in Vitamin-D. So, I added some herculean dosage of fish-oil and prescription Vitamin-D to my life. After about 3 months or so, I am really starting to feel much better and I am starting to notice more productivity gains. The weather is warming up in my area too. That always helps.
> Meds can work wonders, AND you can still be depressed. Medicine resolve biological depression. It doesn't resolve situational depression.
It's not quite that simple. You seem to be hinting at the "chemical imbalance" theory of antidepressants, which has been largely debunked. The reality is much more nuanced and complicated.
> You seem to be hinting at the "chemical imbalance" theory of antidepressants, which has been largely debunked
Can you say more?
The "serotonin hypothesis" is largely unfounded. We don't actually know why SSRIs are effective for some people. It's likely more to do with increased neuroplasticity than a shortage of serotonin in the brain.
This is a good study to start with: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35854107/
> The main areas of serotonin research provide no consistent evidence of there being an association between serotonin and depression, and no support for the hypothesis that depression is caused by lowered serotonin activity or concentrations.
Prescribing antidepressants is a shot in the dark. Doctors can't know for sure if you'll respond to them, especially because we don't even really understand how they work.
3 is very true and reflects a serious issue in today's society. It is easier to treat symptoms than causes sometimes.
The good news is that situational issues can be fixed but it can take time.
Those feelings of hollowness of OP could be explained as a side effect of those meds, in fact. They wouldn't be the first.