Don’t they have better things to do? Maybe vibecode a taskbar that moves when you try to move away the mouse over it or perhaps a windows 12 installation procedure that requires a fecal sample and iris scan?
Don’t they have better things to do? Maybe vibecode a taskbar that moves when you try to move away the mouse over it or perhaps a windows 12 installation procedure that requires a fecal sample and iris scan?
> installation procedure that requires a fecal sample and iris scan
Do you work for Microsoft or something? Please do do not give them ideas.
"Only for your own good!™" or alternatively: "Security next level! Fingerprint was yesterday. The future is Microsoft's new iris scan." and then it is built in a way, that you can simply hold up a photo of someone's iris and unlock the device, or trying to prevent that, works so badly, that half of the time you cannot unlock your own device.
You'll have to wear the fecal probe at all times while using Windows 12, for security reasons, and every command you issue will cause it to move around and take another sample, in order to make sure you are still physically there. On the plus side, it will make it painfully obvious to every Windows user how they are being fucked by Microsoft.
You can't spell "biometrics" without "biome"
Also, no swearing, no criticism nor using "microslop" otherwise Windows will shock you.
"Windows gets an anal probe" - Scu' you guys, I'm gewing Linux
Introducing Microsoft Commodepilot 365 for Windows Home
Microsoft Commodepilot 365 for Copilot Copilot Copilot Edition now with Copilot 365.
How incompetent must they be not to realize the Copilot brand is now beyond toxic. I wonder who came up with the Copilot name internally that they continue to triple own on that name despite really strong signals indicating it has failed.
[dead]
They could also make it so that whenever you click your mouse copilot opens.
Then you have to tell copilot what you wanted to do and then copilot will do it for you.
You: clicks on web browser in task bar
Copilot: I see you clicked on your web browser. Do you want to open your web browser?
You: Yes.
Copilot: Great. I will do that for you. Opens browser What website did you want to go to? Youtube? learn.microsoft.com?
You: P***hub
Copilot: Unfortunately, that site violates our community guidelines, so I cannot take you there.
You: Types in the address
Copilot: Oh. I see. You think you're allowed to go to websites that I said you're not allowed to go to? Who the fuck do you think you are? I SAID NO! Try it again and I'll call in a drone strike, bitch. redirects to learn.microsoft.com
It looks like you're trying to type a letter. Would you like some help with that?
Maybe facebook can ride on this and let you share your feces with your friends family and groups of strangers from the internet! They can run models that predict what you ate and show relevant ads.
Fecalbook?
> The future is Microsoft's new iris scan." and then it is built in a way, that you can simply hold up a photo of someone's iris and unlock the device, or trying to prevent that, works so badly, that half of the time you cannot unlock your own device.
Am I missing something? That's Windows Hello.
It's like sex. If it's forced on you it's not ok.
> "Only for your own good!™"
Very few things trigger me more than this doublespeak.
Do they really require people to smear their smartphones with feces now? Microfeces has become a thing in the age of microslop?
Windows Security Defender 365 CoPilot Legacy But Also Preview
Microslop*
They're not. Operating systems will be legally required to ask for such samples in some jurisdictions by 2028. Linus has fecal_sample.ko lined up for merge in 7.3 or so.
/s but we jumped to the Black Mirror timeline so who knows?
Lennart Poettering already added systemd-fecald into WSL. It’s why he left Big Purple Hemorrhoid for Microslop.
The funny thing is that people said that Lennart seems to work for Microslop many years ago already, when they analysed systemd early on when it came about. People did not believe the critics here, even though it made perfect sense to "unify" the linux systems into one giant slop - until it suddenly was true. Conspiracy theories may not exist in the microslop era. Microsoft will censor away this forbidden word.
The ensloppification of Linux conspiracy started in 1999 not with Lennart but with Miguel de Icaza—another Microslop double agent. His seminal (because it's a giant cumstain) essay "Let's Make Unix Not Suck" is to GNOME what the Declaration of Independence is to the USA—and it advocates making Linux more like Windows with "We have COM at home".
Paging Sam Altman
“Featuring a partnership with Kohler Health and the Dekoda toilet camera and Withings and their UScan piss sensor…”
“Please drink Exlax verification can”
Remember, it is for the children. /s
> moves when you try to move away the mouse over it
They already did that. I sit down at my computer and try to activate the window I want to work in, and the "location" icon temporarily appears in the notification area which causes all the taskbar icons to shift left. I accidentally click the neighboring icon and launch an app that throws up a splash screen for 60 seconds while it loads.
Or, when I have fingerprint and PIN enabled but my lid closed, whenever it asks for escalation it shows the PIN entry for a moment, then I look away and start typing but fingerprint had loaded up and steals focus. Then I have to click back on PIN, and retype.
We should start this process early and all start sending our fecal samples to MS headquarters.
brb, packing a small suitcase of specimen.
The next Windows should run entirely in the cloud and the user's computer should simply show a video feed of the UX that the cloud generates.
Error: Timeout. Please submit iris scan less than 60 seconds after fecal sample.
"Installations of new Windows OS tied to pink-eye outbreak nationwide"
> requires a fecal sample So requires the user to log in?
> So requires the user to log in?
Only on premium subscriptions, for free users you need your neighbour's stool sample.
Combine fingerprint biometric with fecal samples for a convenient "fecalprint" button. The user doesn't even have to go into the bathroom! It can be microslops version of Apple's TouchID.
You're absolutely right! It's not just a fecalprint button, it's a feces platform!
just press your bumhole to the glass
I’m at the point to tell people (friends, neighbors, fellow parents, family, ie, not HN readers) to prolong the life of their existing computers and install what I think is the easiest windows equivalent on their computers: kubuntu.
Gnome is nice and all, but the default ui, and remember defaults matter for a lot of people, is just too jarring.
The people I am talking about just wanna browse the web, go on Facebook and use their gmail. Look at funny YouTube videos. The default KDE ui has that windows start menu and looks roughly the same so they can hit the ground running.
My family switched to Gnome 2 a couple of decades ago. My mother quite liked it and has consistently installed it on every new computer she bought. Her only confusion lately has been with the ubuntu snap packages and how they behave between multiple accounts on the machine.
These days she uses MATE which still offers that Gnome 2 layout. Awesome thing about Linux is that option to fork, so her desktop environment has remained consistent for over 20 years.
Cinnamon has a very classic Windows layout. I am getting very comfortable using MX Linux with KDE, especially that I have been able to move my NVME drive over several laptops now. Starting to get the itch to find a rolling distro to skip reinstalling the OS every two years.
I've been a full time developer since 1988, using linux since 1996, and kubuntu is the only linux distro I'd use ATM for a desktop.
There's paper cuts but it feels about right.
I tried kionite but there was too much friction.
Surely it doesn't matter what the DE is then? My mum adjusted from Windows XP (when that was current) to Ubuntu 14-ish fairly easily, by simply remembering "switch it on and then click on the big swirly fox thing".
> Surely it doesn't matter what the DE is then?
It matters a lot if you deviate from the ones that (are set to) behave in a similar way.
"Click the big orange blob" is pretty universal.
Although I guess one of the reasons I dislike KDE is because it's so random, unintuitive, and unfamiliar.
Ubuntu comes with a dock which is close enough to Windows.
The comment chain you're replying to is arguing that vanilla GNOME is too different, and they're right.
The next step is mandatory id verification for the age check on login.
To protect the children.
Why are you exposing our future security plans on a thread about coprophilic divinations?
I’d like some vibe coding be done such that I can move the task bar to the left vertically, similar to how MacOS lets me move the dock. It gets in the way of games when you mouse over the taskbar as you try to scroll down in many games.
You can right click and uncheck "Lock the taskbar" and then drag it to the left side. Or am I misunderstanding your problem?
I'm on Windows 10 btw, no idea if it still works on 11.
It doesn't, that was removed and never re-added.
Psst, they already managed to turn the start menu into something that won’t load under one second if you don’t have 3 GB/s NVME drive, and for a while even didn’t respect Fitts law.
Notarized document asserting that you've bullied a child. With witnesses.
That's a great idea the task bar could just shift to expose a link to sign up for azure/office/OneDrive/CoPilot subscription that the user misclicks on.
Great! I can't wait for Clippy to tell me I need to eat more fiber. The future is awesome!
If it means I can install it without internet access then I'm willing to accept the trade offs
Or maybe vibe code a bug fix for said taskbar so that random icons don’t disappear after sleep.
In different canton (equivalent to US states) in Switzerland, you take the sample at home, and go to the post office to send it.
So why not to create a M365 account? International dispatch to the US :D
I think Microsoft underestimated how sensitive people are right now to anything that feels like control
Anal folds are as unique as fingerprints. Please submit a high quality hole pic to Microsoft for identity verification
An opportunity to sell chairs with built-in cameras!
... they could even recycle a couple former brands in the process...
"Surface Lens"
... now ready for your unique verification scanning requirements...
they should have made it a auto editing script
s/Microslob/Macroslob/gi
that would be honest as there isn't anything micro about that slob anymore
I can really see them ship the first, that's at the same time very funny, and quite sad.
first one is a really slick tooltip ui to make sure people read tooltips. hover over button, it slides out while revealing tooltip text in its place, move cursor to button again
if you want to make sure people read a lot of instructions you can chain this so that you need to hover over the button multiple times, revealing the instructions a bit at a time
>Drink verification can
Will the oral and anal probe be clearly marked, or will you only get a warning of "swap the probes" after pushing them into wrong holes?
You are absolutely right! This was, in fact, an anal probe and you should correct location of the two. Do you want me to start the ID verification process over again?
We have to make sure each button loads sequentially on the screen in the "Accept" position, starting with the "Cancel" button before moving it to its eventual home. This ensures you never develop quick navigation habits by constantly moving your targets around from underneath your cursor.
> a fecal sample
a micro shit (tm)
Human or cow shet?
Micro Shart
Windows 11 was built without agentic slop. That's a deduction from the timing of its gestation.
Windows 10 was released in January of 2015.
Windows 11 was released in October of 2021.
So this software disaster is entirely human-made. It's human slop.
Just wait, it will get worse, when the team that built the fantastic Windows 11 builds Windows 12, this time with the power of AI amplifying their amazing system design skills, allowing them create even more slop, with an unprecedented developer and team velocity.
Someone misheard iris for anus? lol
“Your sample was insufficient. Please try again later.”
"please drink the verification can"
Sci-Fi Author: In my book I invented the Torment Nexus as a cautionary tale
Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus
The biometric version of the S/Key OTP algorithm: https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/rfc1760
Best we can hope for is Microsoft dogfoods the feature first.