I know you didn't ask to problem solve, but... Email your resume to me at vakhmechet@microsoft.com, mention this HN thread. We're hiring for Azure MySQL and sister Postgres team, lots of interesting problems to solve!

EDIT:

"I feel like a firework that exploded in bursts of color (everyone ooed and ah-ed), and then... nothing" ~~> that's a beautiful sentence. Welcome to adulthood!