Looking around at the comments, I have a birds-eye view. People are quite skilled at jumping to conclusions or assuming their POV is the only one. Consider this simplified scenario to illustrate:
- X happened
- Person P says "Ah, X happened."
- Person Q interprets this in a particular way
and says "Stop saying X is BAD!"
- Person R, who already knows about X...
(and indifferent to what others notice
or might know or be interested in)
...says "(yawn)".
- Person S narrowly looks at Person R and says
"Oh, so you think Repugnant-X is ok?"
See also: the difference between positive and normative; charitable interpretations; not jumping to conclusions; not yucking someone else's yum
* So preventable that I am questioning the wisdom of spending time with any communication technology that doesn't actively address these failures. There is no point at blaming individuals when such failures are a near statistical certainty.
I agree with your analysis but try to not agree with your conclusion, purely for my own metal hygiene: I believe one can retrain the pattern matching of one’s brain for happier outcomes. If I let my brain judge this as a “failure“ (judgment “it is wrong“), I will either get sad about it (judgment “… and I can’t change it“) or angry (… and I can do something about it“). In cases such as this I prefer to accept it as is, so I try to rewrite my brain rule to consider it a necessary part of life (judgment “true/good/correct“).
Ah, in case it didn't come across clearly, my conclusion isn't to blame the individuals. My assessment is to seek out better communication patterns, which is partly about "technology" and partly about culture (expectations). People could indeed learn not to act this way with a bit of subtle nudging, feedback, and mechanism design.
I'm also pretty content accepting the unpleasant parts of reality without spin or optimism. Sometimes the better choice is still crappy, after all ;) I think Oliver Burkeman makes a fun and thoughtful case in "The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking" https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13721709-the-antidote