"you're essentially stepping into the role of an enterprise MDM IT department, auditing software updates for stability before letting them go out."

If my daughter's Spotify app breaks after an update she knows to immediately contact my on-call pager and alert our family CEO and legal department.

Just give me a checkbox that allows updates.

If an app developer changes something fundamental about the app, then the changes will be subject to the app store age guidelines. If the app is recategorised to 18+ it won't be able to install anyway. Billions of devices around the world have auto app updates turned on. The risk of a rogue update is outweighed by the benefit of getting instant access to security updates. I'm managing a kids iPad with a couple of mainstream games and school apps installed, not running a fortune 500.