Even if you just go for big-O, don't forget that a resizable array won't give you even amortized O(1) delete in many cases. This alone is likely prohibitive unless you can bound the elements in the container to a small number.
And if you're trying to trade away good big-O for better cache locality, don't forget that in many cases, you're dealing with stateful objects that need to be put into the list. That means you likely need to have a list or queue of pointers to these objects. And no matter how flat or cache-friendly the queue is, adding this indirection is similarly cache-unfriendly whenever you have to actually access the state inside the container.
Or unless delete is a rare operation. So yeah, to make the best decisions here, you need to know expected numbers as well as expected access patterns.
As far as I can see, you are indeed going to incur one extra memory access apart from the object itself, for any design other than just 'Temporarily flag the object deleted, sweep deleted objects in bulk later' (which would only be good if deleted objects are uncommon). It still matters how many extra memory accesses; deleting an object from a doubly linked list accesses two other objects.
It also matters somewhat how many cache lines each object takes up. I say 'somewhat' because even if an object is bulky, you might be able to arrange it so that the most commonly accessed fields fit in one or two cache lines at the beginning.