I heard people at a bank claim that COBOL code is basically natural language and thus self-documenting. I almost laughed out at that.

Bank teller: "And how can I help you?"

Customer: "PERFORM 500-DEDUCT-ACCOUNT-BALANCE"

Bank teller: "Ok, great, and how much?"

Customer:

"01 TRANSACTION RECORD

  05 TRANSACTION-AMOUNT PIC 9(9)V99
MOVE 100.00 TO TRANSACTION-AMOUNT"

A future we didn't quite make it into.