This puts me in mind of 'English as she is spoke', a hilariously inaccurate English phrasebook written by a Portuguese man who didn't speak much, if any English and instead probably used a French-English dictionary to translate a Portuguese-French phrasebook into a Portuguese-English phrasebook. It includes such well-known 'Idiotisms and Proverbs' as 'to craunch a marmoset'

Well..? And..? How does one craunch a marmoset?

With great care !