For those who think they are decent at socializing, one book that may extend your skill further is ' Never split the difference'. Its a book about negotiating, but I think it does teach some key skills. Mirroring for example where you literally repeat back the last few words a person has said, I've found unexpectedly super useful - it almost allows people to expand on what they are saying and helps them go deeper into things. Basically the book (and other tools) has helped me become a better listener (I have always been decent at the talking side). https://www.amazon.co.uk/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-...
Note: I only 'mirror' 2-3 times in a conversation. I've found over using it makes it have less impact. But that's just me.
That's my experience as well. I just ask questions or talk to you like we are trying to find out more about whatever it is you are talking about.
And the book gives you a few useful tools to do that.
There's also the classic 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. Many later books are rehashing of parts of HTWFAIP.
Agreed that is a classic - I think the essentials are true but the language is a bit dated. Definitely "trying to think positively about people and their actions/understand them", and giving people "a sense of importance" are very helpful social skills.
I definitely second that its a great book, especially if you focus more on the principles it's getting at instead of necessarily the examples.
Funny experience with that:
A big part of How to Win Friends and Influence People that I took to heart was "be interested in other people". Flash forward a few years and I'm in a bar with a group of people I had recently met when one of them says to me "Hey, we've been talking a lot about ourselves but not really that much about you." One of the other people interrupted "That's because they are polite! They are showing interest in what we're interested in instead of insisting on talking about themselves."
So at least some people do notice when you put in an effort to use good social skills!