oooh. wow. yeah, I am the target market lol. I'm looking now! Just signed up for the waitlist.
Not sure if related, but I had kind of a miserable childhood (authoritarian parents, difficulty in fitting in due to being an insecure runty nerd, being a late bloomer due to late-onset hormones caused women to not be interested until much later, etc.) and I used to cry, I'd say, a lot, and then one day I suddenly stopped (not sure why, but just kind of got fed up with doing it?), and I basically haven't had a good cry since. Not through relationship breakups, not through my mom passing away, not through pet losses. I'd tear up a little, maybe while listening to a song that touched me, that's it. I reckon I haven't had a good, long, sincere cry in almost 40 fucking years.
My parents are German and pretty stoic, not sure if related. When my dad's parents and brother and sister died, I didn't see him cry. The ONLY time I saw him cry (which was jarring, as a kid) is when his beloved sailboat washed up on the rocks during a hurricane. He did kind of wail when he was walking the dog that got away from him and which then got immediately run over, but...
Thanks so much for signing up and sharing this with me.
When you say "not sure if related" I would say most probably yes. Most emotional issues come from our childhood. It's interesting that your parents are German too. There have been a few other Germans that said the site didn't work for them and they have trouble crying. Seems like definitely a cultural thing there.
Many of us as kids are told things like "don't cry, cheer up, calm down" etc, etc by our parents and other adults who we are desperately seeking approval from and reliant on for care and survival. So we may not even realize it at the time, but we conform and change to please them. We feel like we need to be a certain way in order to receive their love and care and attention.
I think the answer could be in that one day you suddenly stopped crying. It's interesting that you say you're not sure why. Sometimes we can forget moments like this because they can seem insignificant at the time but they actually are meaningful. Sometimes it can be more difficult than people who experienced something super traumatic and are able to pinpoint that that was when things changed.
What often happens is we either experience or suppress an emotion without much awareness, and rather than letting it pass or move through us, we ruminate on it and get caught in emotional loops. Then that emotion or the suppression of it becomes a mood. Then that mood becomes a personality trait. Then that personality trait becomes who we are. And years later we can find ourselves wondering why we feel the way we do or how the hell we ended up this way, because it was something that started when we were kids and we didn't understand how all this stuff works and unfortunately no one really told us or guided us.
I'm really excited for you to try the app. We are designing it so you can input things like this and it can help guide you to deeper understanding while processing and releasing necessary emotions. I'm building it for people like you where you are now, and also for younger people so they can catch these issues before 40 years fly by without shedding a single tear. It's never too late though. It's great that you are recognizing all this and I hope the app is able to help you.
Hey, really appreciate it! I will keep an eye out for the invite. If you're feeling generous, my email that I signed up on the waitlist for is lumbergh@gmail.com
Also, thanks for pushing in this direction.
I've added your email to the list of beta testers. Excited to share it with you soon!