> If two people each drink a beer and then have sex, did they rape each other?

That's too concerned with post-facto labels.

Better framing:

If I am sexually interested in someone and value their consent, should I ensure that our first sexual encounter is negotiated while both of us are entirely sober?

My answer to this question is unequivocally "yes". I understand that's not broader culture's answer, I am suggesting that this is a problem with the broader culture.

And before you deem me prudish, I regularly attend BDSM or other kink events where power is exchanged and sex occurs, regularly explore altered states of consciousness via controlled substances for fun and philosophical insights. It is exactly because of this openness to and experience with these ideas that I confident that most people lack discipline around sexuality, power exchange, altered states of consciousness and are unskilled in how they combine them.

And it's not a sexism thing either, I'm not misandrist, I actually think men suffer from this cultural deficiency more than they benefit from it. It might feel unfair but the stakes of "I got canceled for not being careful" or "everyone assumes I'm being a predator until I prove I'm not" or "I don't know how to walk the tightrope of expressing interest in women but not also creeping them out" which has been ramping up in modern times just simply do not register in a context of the consequences women experience around it for all of human existence that includes everything up to and including being murdered.