All restaurants and food service facilities use “rinse agents” or “drying agents”; they simply never have the time or capacity to air-dry dishes and silverware, so eff whatever the training courses tell us to do, from the County Department of Public Health. Just slather everything with chemicals and make sure nobody can smell them from the dining room or taste it on a spoon.

And yes they’re toxic. Of course they are! Next, let us coat all surfaces with antimicrobial toxins, starting with everything in the hospital, and your infant’s diaper-changing stations, and your stapler at work.

It will be just like Nethack, where you open a spellbook to read it, but it is “coated with contact poison!” so I hope your Unicorn Horn is available.