Soda.

https://www.imigrantesbebidas.com.br/bebida/images/products/...

Whatever coke or pepsi I can see over the bar, while wondering why I'm in a restaurant with no menu

I usually just blurt out "cassis", a blackcurrant soda. I for one don't care about which brand. Does that count?

Since the whole Trump thing: Cuba Cola Zero, Champis Zero, Trocadero Zero, Mino Limonata