This is a throwaway so I can be dumb and learn stuff

Career/partial life bio

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Nov 2025

I'm trying to get back joy of creation.

I legit have a great job, previously I was working with bedrock and agents, now I'm working in Airflow, next I'm working with SAM. I work out in the mornings, happy hour with a keg at the job... damn.

I think I'm done donating plasma, it's a waste of time. The whole process takes about 2 hours for me (1 hour to donate, 1 hour to drive/stand in line wait) and I do it twice a week plus the extra mileage on my car. One reason was getting a car wash at this location but I'll try the one near me. You get $115 for 4 hrs it's like ehhh... I'll just be more efficient with my day-job money and get time back. Also going to drink less because for a while my weekends have been getting drunk and playing Battlefield, waste of time.

It's weird after stopping UE and making more (logging full hours) I'm starting to get this longing to maximize my life like save money, get healthier, make stuff. I still have to get there. I feel this way now while at work but at home on the weekend I didn't do shit, just watched YT and later drank/played a multiplayer FPS. Like there is something I want to live for not just work and pay bills.

I'm sitting here first weekend day off in a while, I feel antsy like can I just chill or should I be grinding on something. I feel guilty when I don't achieve something. I did just come back from lifting.

I have this negative mindset like if I'm about to go to some popular restaurant, I am worried about finding parking or running into bums.

Another week/month of wining dining clients I'm working with the team developing agentic stuff. Going to a fancy restaurant today that I've driven by before that has Lambos/Ferraris at it. Granted I'm still a nobody/poor but yeah.

Well I decided that driving UE was a waste of time. So I'll get my weekends back, hopefully start making stuff again. I have to budget.

Been dealing with tough tasks at work, new stuff I'm not sure I can do but I keep getting past it so just gotta believe/have faith in myself.

Oct 2025

Damn I am fortunate. I'm sitting here watching YouTube at work getting paid $400 a day lmao. Which is not astronomical money but yeah.

Damn I might be a Gabe from SV lol. I acknowledge where I am mentally that is mid but it's enough to get by.

I have this bad mindset where I panic/feel like I can't do it. Failing... but then I do it and you get this nice feeling. I DUDDITZ!

One problem I have is my terrible sleep pattern. Right now I'm awake and can't sleep. I also can't find interest to watch something or read. Even scrolling memes is boring can you believe that. So I'm just sitting here, on, till I pass out like 2 hrs before I have to wake up. On the flip side I can also sleep for 16hrs straight. This is why I want freedom. No job. Or a job without a schedule anyway.

Previous mental samples

https://pastebin.com/XR3bbNiJ (Oct 2025) -$80K https://pastebin.com/TWXHkyFZ (Aug 2025 - Sep 2025) -$80K https://pastebin.com/y0R0JWBz (Jun 2025 - Jul 2025) -$80K https://pastebin.com/k2hqR8uN (Mar 2025 - Jun 2025) -$80K https://pastebin.com/5xCTbGsu (2023 - Mar 2025) -$80K (Net W)